The Galley

It is all about temptation! When you can't do stuff you want it even more. FEED ME CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!

After my self-imposed, masochistic alcohol ban and my very necessry drug's ban, the only thing left to consume is food, and even then you are told that too much of this or that is bad for you and the child.
I wander into the kitchen, idly open the fridge expecting something amazing to be lying in wait, and lo and behold, surprise surprise, there is nothing in there other than a folorn bit of wilted dill and an petrified sausage. Why? Because I get breathless just going up the stairs to use the loo, let alone hauling my arse to Tesco. Even if I got there I couldn't carry much, coz guess what? You aren't allowed to lift anything either - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!!!!

The galley slave is awakening in me. Galley as in kitchen, you understand, and galley slave in terms of being crippled by the sense of dread of eventually being trapped in there for months sterilizing and Moulinexing everything and hiding half-empty bottles of cooking brandy under the sink.

I have a feeling I'll be less Women's Institute Housewife of the Year and more Mama-Doll-Tramp of the Valley on benzos, vallies and pethidine, belting out show tunes in a pink lacy ballgown three sizes too small, in her ugly brown trailer, and the five mungrel muts tied up outside joining the chorus of 'Smile though your Heart is Breaking'!!!!........we'll see. I might start up my own WI, The Mother's Association for the Narcotic-filled, Incompitent Aggravated CuntS (MANIACS)!!
Praise be to the Gaya for The Big Orange One (BOO)! He'll save me...I hope...from any real harm. He appears unflustered thus far. Probably out-live me at the rate my blood pressure is going!

Restaurant recommendation: Little Bay, Belsize Road (Kilburn end) - can't go wrong - they don't take cards but who cares - its cheap!!! The food seriously rocks and, please note pregnant ladies and hungry monkeys, they aren't stingey on the portions.

Mental Note I: Must ensure BOO is fully trained in the kitchen. He promises he knows how to cook. I have seen evidence of this in the form of a very excellent stake and so it all looks promising.

Mental Note (MN) II: Must stop giving everything acronyms and reducing things to just their initials! It is a stupid thing to do and seemed a good idea at the time but now its getting in the way. I feel like Seinfeld. The neurosis is heightening - this is bad.

Must skulk off to work kitchen now and forage before lecture on Marxism vs capitalist consumerism.........mmmm...donuts!

Cargo Bay

Cargo is shifting. Cargo is what my uncle has named AO and I think now AO is getting large-ish its a good description.
A couple of quotes:

The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes them a mother - which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician. - - - - Sydney J. Harris


Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. - - - - Rita Rudner


I have moments when I reach saturation point with reading baby stuff - none of it is important except quashing the notion of fear of pain. There will be pain, there is no doubt, but it is how one deals with it that is the issue. Women have been subjected to this fucking lie for centuries that the pangs of childbirth are our cross to bear, we stole the apple from the Garden of Eden, blah blah blah, men can drink and smoke while we cannot during the time of our confinement- yuk! 'confinement'! to what? - piles, backache, sleep deprivation, sickness - wow! its so appealing!

But no one talks about how sorry you feel for men because they can't do what you can do or feel what you feel. It is the most powerful thing in the world and women don't use it to its full potential. It makes me believe in stuff I never believed in before. I believe in miracles - not in the corny way, but in the sense that we become world-weary, we tend to live in a spiritually somnambulent state, until another life comes along, something that jars against our notion of reality and our idea of what is important.
Also, I now realize why men are obsessed with speed, violence and technology. Its because they they don't possess the power or capacity to create life. They don't understand its essence and its essence is life-giving, not life-vanquishing. They forget that their power lies in the ability to nurture and protect, an equal and vital ability.

In answer to my question to my self, i.e. 'Why do I want to bring a child into this God-foresaken world?', the answer is 'Bollocks! We live, we fuck, we give birth, we die. There is nothing special about any of us. Doomsday will come or it will not come. Its all out of our control and if we think otherwise we're bonkers.'

Glad I sorted that out for myself!!!!